What to do when someone tells you they are HIV+
A person sharing their positive diagnosis with you is a sign of trust.
Respect that trust by being supportive.
HIV is not the end
Nowadays, HIV is not a death sentence. With medication, HIV is a manageable, chronic condition. Your partner, friend, or family will live a healthy and productive life.
Furthermore, if they have an undetectable viral load, they can easily have a relationship, have sex, or start a family without transmitting HIV to anyone.
HIV Stigma and Discrimination is real
Despite advances in HIV treatment, social attitudes towards HIV have not yet caught up with the science. There is still widespread HIV stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV in Singapore.
It manifests in many forms: self-stigma or self-internalised stigma, governmental or institutional stigma, healthcare stigma, employment stigma, travel restrictions, and community and household stigma.
Stigma and discrimination harms the mental health and social relationships of people living with HIV. Because of this, their adherence to their medication may suffer and they may feel socially isolated.
People living with HIV can suffer an overall fall in their quality of life and are at increased risk of mental health conditions, like depression, anxiety, or suicide.
How to respond when someone tells you they are HIV positive
An HIV diagnosis is already a life-changing event, so being a supportive presence in their life can help save lives. If someone discloses their status to you, it is a sign that they trust you and want to talk to you about their status.
While the news may be quite surprising at first, you should try to be respectful and supportive. Here are a few examples of supportive and understanding words that you could say to your partner, family member, or friend who is living with HIV:
✅ Try saying:
Thank you for telling me, I appreciate you telling me
I'm glad that you feel comfortable telling me about your status
It’s always good to know about your status
Have you started treatment? Can I support you in any way?
You are not alone
❌ Do not say:
I’m not going to get it, right?
How did you get it?
Who gave it to you?
Did you get it from sleeping around?
You should have been more careful
Furthermore, there are other ways to make the person living with HIV feel more comfortable and respected:
You should let the person living with HIV steer the conversation and set the boundaries of the talk
Try not to ask too many questions unless they are ready to answer your questions
If they are not ready to answer your questions, you can also go home and Google about HIV and the advances in the medication from reliable, scientific sources
Don’t disclose their HIV status to other people or treat it as gossip
Don’t shut them out or treat them any differently
More Resources
HIV 101
There's lots of information out there about HIV and it can seem confusing for someone who wants to learn more. We've put together a list of FAQs to guide you through.
Reduce HIV risk
Everyone is responsible for reducing HIV risk. We cover how you can do your part with PrEP, PEP, and practicing safer sex.
For Caregivers
Caregiving for a loved one can be stressful and mentally exhausting. Learn how to identify and manage the stressors to keep yourself in a good mental state.